Exclusion Online

``I think something like 1984 could actually happen. This is the direction the world is going in in our present time. In our world, there will be no emotions except fear, rage, triumph, and self ebasement. If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face forever. The moral, to be drawn from this nightmare situation, is a simple one; Don't let it happen. It depends on you.`` -George Orwell

I have a love-hate relationship with the internet. I can't help but hold some deep feelings for it. I basically grew up a product of it, staking my claim on many different corners of websites I would stumble across on my family computer. I can't help but hold a deep nostalgia for it, as I felt like the internet was the one place I could truly be myself with no reprocussions in some of the most turbulent times of my life. On the other hand, then and especially now, the internet sucks. Like, major-league sucks. At least, all of the "big" corners of it do now.

Gone are the days of comradery between netizens, with an unspoken vow of basic kindness. Of course, not everything was peaches and cream, especially in the early days, double-especially if you were a part of any margianalized group, but at least it felt like you would have someone in your corner. At least we could aknowledge we were all just some guy behind a screen spending their free time mulling about through different web pages like everyone else. At least we didn't have the constant fear of being added to some kind of TikTok video that would blow up and end with you getting your address and face doxxed just because you were a little "too cringe" or "too ugly". Now, the internet just feels like a feeding frenzy. Feeding the rich, the attention-hungry, the fear and anger brewing withing all of us, at the expense of those too mild-mannered to do anything about it, lest you get a hate mob of transphobic Nazis swarming your Twitter replies, who are all being avidly endorsed by the owner of Twitter himself.

It's easy to feel lost and helpless. I know I've felt it, too. On my end, with my special concoction of mental illness and heaping spoonful of fear of perception from others, perusing the internet wasn't a fun passtime for me anymore. It wasn't a place to find unlikely long-term friends that would last through different eras of chatrooms and video games. It became a vat of quicksand, consuming everything that entered through specially curated algorithms and flashy advertisements promising 100% off of your next Temu order, but only if you spend $80 in shipping to get the next fast-fashion knock-off of your favorite artists' clothing line.

In my darkest moments, I admittedly found myself susceptible to these algorithms. I loved gossip, I loved seeing people get torn to shreds for the unforgivable crime of being a little dumb or a little too young on the internet. It was my special form of entertainment. I used to joke about seeing call out threads on Twitter being my newspaper that I would read over coffee every morning. It wasn't until I began taking strides to better myself, cutting out people in my life who fed off of mutually shared negativity, that I realized how truly unhealthy this was. I realized a little too late that, maybe feeding myself constant negatviity was also making me a more negative and insufferable person. I found myself becoming mean and bitter, expecting the worst out of others for no good reason other than "people just aren't nice like that anymore", and it was fucking DUMB!

I didn't want to be like the losers who rot away in front of their phones constantly refreshing their dying Twitter feeds in hopes to find the new laughing stock of the internet for the next few weeks. I wanted to have some kind of purpose online. I didn't want my brain to resort to my phone at the first instaance of boredom. I wanted to do something with myself that actually felt like I was putting effort into things again instead of just being a passive bystander.

And so, here we are. I'm staking my claim on the internet again, but in my own way. I'm working towards curating my own space and seeking out corners of the internet that make me happy, not the billionares who shovel thousands into investments towards modern socmed. I've been working towards the goal of eliminating brain-rotting websites from my daily rotation, and replacing them with more intentional places I'd like to visit, and I feel like I've improved a lot as a person. Not to say that if you're an avid Twitter user you're a bad person or whatever, but this has just helped me personally.

On the other hand, in an era of predatory websites and constant data scraping and collecting, learning more about how tech works and being able to take control over my hardware and software has helped me a lot as well. Being a trans person online is scary, especially with certain political movements going on right now, specifically in the US but definitely in other places as well, and taking control of what you're doing and using is more important than ever now. I hope that someday we get to a point in society where people don't have to live in fear of being themselves online anymore, but until we get there, I'll happily be keeping my boyfriend and I's digital wares secure, and it's been contributing to a lot of relief.

In conclusion, I don't think people need to know how to code or how to tinker with their hardware to be happy online. I think every person requires different things when it comes to finding joy on the web, and if that's being on modern socmed, then by all means, go crazy! Love that for you! But for those of you who want something different, do NOT be afraid to dip your toes into learning different web-related crafts. I know from experience a lot of things can seem overwhelming and scary to get into, but thankfully most of the communities I've found for help with these subjects are some of the most chill and kind places I've known, not to mention the plethora of information that's so easy to find online for free nowadays. Start small! I know my website isn't 100% coded by my hand. I'm using multiple scripts by multiple different people online, not only to be used as a learning opprotunity, but also to be able to make my site a place that I love and is easy for me to use. There's no right or wrong way to go about crafting your own corner of the internet. If it's all made from F2U templates, that's awesome! If it's 100% coded by hand, that's also awesome!

Do what makes the internet a happy place FOR YOU, not anyone else.